1aeslehc

If I had a world of my own,
everything would be nonsense.
Nothing would be what it is
because everything would be what it isn't.

Well first off a rumor was spread about me, and this is the 1st time it has happened since, probably around 6th grade? ha but yeah, summer has started, last night was my dance recital which went SOOOOOO good, had finals yesterday and the day before, which went well too. but i'm sitting here, my 1st official day of summer, with nothing to do! aghhh, i had so many plans, but none fell through, it's okay though, it was still a good day. I need better sleep though so i can be more alert to how great things are, because when i'm tired im just like blahh. This entry is pointless, gosh i'm tired.

Hey im back writing again. 

When i look back at all my past journals and diaries, they honestly look like ramblings of a mad woman. My mind is always dispursed, which can be good because it means that things never get boring, but when someone asks me whats wrong, i just mumble about stupid things, and get off track, maybe my mind is just hardwired different than everyone elses. Well the past few days have been unbelieveably good, i feel constantly connected to God. Just going outside, the warm sun, the breeze, going on my swing, stars at night, walks, long talks with people, things just seem to good to be true. My dance recital is on thursday and i am too excited for that. New phone, i just seem to be noticing how blessed i really am, and embracing it, yeah things can suck alot sometimes, but i can't change that, i can't change people, no matter how hard i try, how much i put my heart on the line, it won't ever work, so here i am, rambling again. I don't even care about my emotions anymore, they are invisible to me (haha well they are anyways) But all i want is God, all i desire for is God, i'm not even hung up on everything going on with me and Ryan, and i'm about in tears right now, because my heart is just so on fire for God and all he has in store for me, no matter what happens, it's going to be perfect, it's going to be just for me, and i just can't wait for God to break me down more, open my heart, and mind to different things, i love getting to know people, and i can't wait for that either, no school, no dance, free time, friendships, fullfilling all that missed space that school takes up, and just -sigh- just lovelovelovelovelove i can't wait. I have so much, thank you so much God for giving that to me. All this stress, it doesn't matter I'm in, my hearts in Gods hands.

Just watch this video please, it brought me to tears, especially the end, all the pain he endured for us. How could you not live for that?